"Yes, but technically..."

Understanding why your gifted child negotiates

Welcome to Part 2 of my three-part Parenting Giftedness series.

• Part 1: Why won’t my gifted kid learn to ride a bike? Dealing with risk aversion

• Part 2: “Yes, but technically…” Understanding why your gifted child negotiates

• Part 3: Where did that come from? A closer look at emotional intensity

What’s Really Going On When Your Gifted Kid Negotiates?

There are three main elements at play here:

Divergent Thinking

This is a natural aspect of gifted brains. In fact, it’s one of the qualities many professionals look for when identifying giftedness. Gifted thinkers don’t simply travel from Point A to Point B. Their brains leap to Points C, D, E, and beyond before eventually circling back to B.

So how does this relate to all the “technically…” and “actually…” comments? Those responses are often your child testing out the different possibilities their brain has already generated.

Dopamine

Dopamine is a hot topic these days, but that doesn’t lessen its impact on the brain. Dopamine is the chemical connected to feelings of reward and satisfaction. It’s released when you eat delicious food, anticipate something exciting, exercise — and yes, when you solve a problem.

When a gifted child comes up with an alternative solution or loophole, there’s a good chance their brain rewarded them for it. That excitement is part of why they feel so compelled to share their reasoning with you.

Detectives

Gifted brains thrive on making sense of the world. When they spot an inconsistency, they are often the first to point it out. (Spoken like a teacher who has had her spelling corrected more times than she can count!)

This doesn’t usually come from a desire to be rude or superior (though it can sometimes feel that way to adults.) More often, they are genuinely trying to understand the logic behind what’s being said. These kids are detectives, constantly searching for patterns, consistency, and meaning within the rules and statements they encounter.