The Heart of High Ability: Why Gifted Learners Feel So Deeply

Strategies to Help Your Gifted Learner Understand Their Big Emotions

My 7-year-old, who has been identified as gifted, was recently playing a video game with his brother. When his brother refused to “chase him” in the game, my younger son completely melted down.

And I don’t just mean crying or pouting or tattling. I mean all of that—and more.

He immediately began to sob uncontrollably, stopping only to scream. His hands clenched into fists, his breathing became rapid and uneven, almost like panting.

Before I began learning about the gifted brain, these emotional explosions left me feeling completely drained. My instinct was to turn inward and blame myself. Why was my child—who could fluently explain the architecture of ancient Mesopotamia—now screaming on the floor over a video game? What had I done wrong?

The truth is, the only thing I had done “wrong” was assume that his emotional intelligence would naturally match his cognitive abilities. And I know I’m not alone. Many people picture giftedness as a child who is ahead in every way—intellectually, emotionally, socially. We expect that if a child can speak like a little professor, they should also be able to handle disappointment like a miniature adult.

But that’s not how giftedness works.

Photo by Greg Rakozy on Unsplash

One of the defining characteristics of giftedness is asynchronous development—the idea that children do not develop all skills at the same rate. A gifted child might be years ahead of their peers intellectually, but still lag behind when it comes to emotional regulation. They might enjoy conversations with adults and still crave the comfort of stuffed animals and imaginative play.

Even with this understanding, I sometimes found myself taken aback by the size of my son’s emotions. Everything was big. When he was happy, he was euphoric. When he was angry, he was furious.

It turns out this is not uncommon. According to Linda Silverman, emotional overexcitability is actually the most prevalent of the five overexcitabilities in gifted individuals (Silverman, p. 141). This might be surprising, since we tend to associate giftedness most strongly with intellectual traits. But in many cases, it’s the intensity of emotions that most clearly distinguishes gifted individuals from their neurotypical peers.

Neuroscience is beginning to support this understanding. Researchers have found that gifted brains show increased connectivity between different neural regions. While this is often discussed in relation to analytical thinking and problem-solving, it also affects other systems—especially the limbic system, which is central to our emotional responses.

The limbic system includes the amygdala and hypothalamus, which are responsible for triggering emotional reactions. The amygdala, in particular, controls the "fight or flight" response and sends signals to the body that there is something to fear. In gifted individuals, this system tends to be more finely tuned—more sensitive to emotional stimuli.

This explains the physical responses we often see during emotional outbursts: rapid breathing (to get more oxygen), an accelerated heart rate (to send blood to muscles), and dilated pupils (to sharpen vision and detect danger). These are the body’s natural reactions to perceived threats—even when the “threat” is a game not going the way a child hoped.

Imagine your emotional volume knob is permanently turned to 10. Whatever you’re feeling, you’re feeling it intensely.

That’s the inner world many gifted children live in every day.

Continue below for strategies on helping your gifted child when their emotions overpower them.